My Birth Story

                                            My Birth Story        

                                                                -Esther- 

It all started the night before, I had an overwhelming feeling that I needed to pack my hospital bag, but I was only 32 weeks along, I had plenty of time to do that... so I didn't. 

Looking back now, the motherly intuition kicks in way before you even know it, haha. 

That night I went to sleep a little uneasy, I did not know why. But soon a reason to worry kicked in, my baby hadn't kicked in a while... strange, as it seemed that night time was her favorite time to kick. 

I laid in bed anxious for what felt like forever, waiting to feel her move.

 I somehow fell asleep, still waiting. 

The next day was a Friday, and I had a  8-4:30pm shift, my favorite. 

So, I got up, got dressed, and out the door I went. It seemed like a relatively normal day. 

However, in the back of my head thoughts were raising, wondering if everything was okay, if she was okay; as I still had not felt a kick... in hours. 

Just as my mind and my heart were spiraling out of control, boom. A kick,  a wave of relief washed over my body. 

 It was 7:45am and I remember it exactly. She kicked just as I was getting out of the car to go into work. Right after the kick, a pain followed. 

"Weird, I'm getting some cramps.." I thought, yet I continued on with my regular work day. 

I walked in, the bakery smells amazing in the mornings. Right around this time the bread is coming out of the oven, you can feel the warmth from the oven all around; and that fresh croissant smell is unforgettable. 

As I walked through the warm bakery to get started, I felt some "cramps" every couple of minutes,  I really thought these were "braxton hicks". So, I did not mention it to anyone, and continued on as normal. Even though the whole time I had a feeling it was labour. 

Time went on, and so did the cramps. They started getting closer together and a little stronger each time. So, I decided to use my handy dandy contraction app that I had conveniently downloaded a couple days before.  Pretty quickly after I started timing my cramps, the app told me to go to the hospital... kinda hilarious looking back at it now. But, at the time I disregarded it, since I was obviously in false labour...

At around 8:45am, the contractions were getting so intense that I had to stop working and just stand there swaying a little bit until it went away. I did not make a sound. I don't know if it was because I was at work, or I was just extremely good at breathing through them, as not a sound came out of my mouth up until I was pushing. But anyways, Im getting ahead of myself, back to the swaying. 

As I stood there swaying from side to side, a man decided he needed help with some bread.... I wanted to say "can't you see I'm a little busy trying not to die" Buuut, "Of course, I can help you" were the words that came out of my mouth instead.  How I managed to smile and talk to a costumer through the middle of a contraction is beyond me. I am still shocked at the fact that I did that. 

Anyways, at this point it was pretty obvious to my coworkers that I was quite uncomfortable, and luckily I had an amazing team that I worked with. So, right as one of my coworkers was about to call the on-call manager, my wonderful bakery manager walked in. She is just amazing by the way. 

My manager quickly got me to sit, and to breath. She gave me water, took over my job and sat with me as I called my midwife. 

My midwife did not think I was in labour at first, she just told me I was probably dehydrated and that is why I was cramping, but that quickly changed as I told her how frequent my contractions were. At this point they were lasting a minute and were 2 minutes apart. She quickly told me to get to the hospital. 

So I called my husband, he picked me up and off we went to get checked and hopefully go home to rest afterwards. I remember clenching my water bottle and breathing so deeply in the car, but still not a sound. 

It was so hard to walk through the parking lot, and of course being my luck I accidentally went to a completely different building of the hospital, so I had to walk even more. 

When I finally got to the Labour and Delivery ward, I could barely talk. All I remember is giving her my healthcare card, and trying really hard not to yell at her for making me answer questions. 

As I was leaning over the counter, I clearly remember my midwife walking in, a huge smile on her face, she always brought so much peace to me. 

They put us into a room to get checked, a band went  over my belly to check baby and I got to take off my bra, which at this point I was way too excited about. Clearly, since I had the need to add it in... 

Anyyyways, my baby's heart was extremely high, and that raised a red flag really quickly. They kept monitoring for a while. At this point it was around 10:50am and no one had checked to see if I was dilated at all. Probably because it was my first baby. 

At around 11am, the on-call OBGYN walked in just to say hi, and she decided to check me for dilation. So she did, and she goes " uhh okay you're at a five." 

Immediately everyone jumped to action, I remember my midwife being shocked and even accidentally yelling a profanity, haha. 

An IV went in my arm, there was a wheelchair ready for me and off I went to push a baby out. 

Everything moved so fast, they had no idea how long it had taken me to get to a 5, so they did not know how long it would take to get fully dilated. 

It was very hard to process all of this information and feelings, so I didn't. 

I went numb. 

I was wheeled into a delivery room, offered some gas to relieve the pain. I didn't take it. Trying to breath the gas in while going through a contraction was just annoying to me. 

I laid in that bed for a while, and all I remember thinking is just how hungry I was. 

At 11:50am, the OB came back in to check on me. My baby's heart rate was still alarmingly high. 

They needed to get her out fast. She told me I needed to push her out immediately or I would need to have a C-section. I wasn't against surgery, but obviously it was not my first choice. 

So I went into beast mode. A sound, a scream came flying out of me as I pushed. I don't think I had ever made a sound like that in my life before, and I highly doubt I can recreate it unless in labour. 

My whole body was focused on one thing, get my baby here. Get her here safe. 

I started pushing at 11:59am, and by 12:09pm she was out. 

A little whine came out. She didn't cry. 

They plopped her tiny little blue body onto my hip, and I threw my head back onto the bed 

 and closed my eyes. 

I don't remember much after that, I opened my eyes and she was gone from my hip. I looked to my left and she was in a NICU bed surrounded by nurses and doctors, they quickly took her away. My husband went with her. 

After I had delivered my placenta, they rolled me to go see her in the NICU and then to a recovery room, and I laid there just numb. 

I was exhausted and hungry, but I don't remember having any emotions. 

A while passed, they then took little Esther to a more advanced NICU in a different hospital, as she needed more help that they couldn't provide. 

I went to say bye to her, and laid back down in bed. 

The next day, I was discharged and I went to go see and hold my baby for the first time. 

I think that's when I came back to life. The moment she was placed on my chest, my heart filled up with love and peace. And my breasts with milk... A LOT of milk. 

Looking back at my birth story, it kinda sounds traumatizing... and in some ways it probably was. 

But I LOVED IT.

I loved giving birth naturally, I quite enjoy labour, and there is nothing in this earth that will make you feel closer to Heavenly Father than to deliver a baby. 

I can't wait to do it again.